The Machine Is Now Alive...

Very Bad Things...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:41:01 GMT

What a day this is turning out to be... woke up to a broken passenger window on my Volvo and a missing (shitty + old + worthless) car stereo.

Oh, and did I mention tonight is my Mom's deathiversary? (12:30AM pst)

Oh, and let me also add... the Volvo is/was my mom's car.

Sorry, mom.

:-(

At least Christine helped save me about $200 on getting a cheap glass replacement. (Maz Auto on Bryant) Thank you Christine!!!! You rock!

The end is HERE!

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 19:08:23 GMT

Seriously. Who didn't see this coming?

Full story here.

EDIT: Even better is the pics from the Daily News article...

O___o

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:43:22 GMT

O... RLY?

R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:49:05 GMT

November 25, 1920 – January 14, 2009

How I remember him best:

Restoring the world's faith in America (?)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:11:14 GMT

I always look to international news sources for an outsider's perspective on the way things are going in America. This is a great interview with a Frenchman (who happens to be a Harvard professor) taken from Deutsche Welle's website:

Obviously, this interview was conducted before the election results were in. I think it's a great indicator that the rest of the world hasn't given up on us... not just yet.

Check out Deutsche Welle's website for more interesting coverage

------------------------------------------------------------------

Obama Win Would Transform World's View of America
France's Dominique Moisi, one of Europe's leading geo-strategic thinkers, predicts a Democratic will win on Election Day. He told DW an Obama victory would restore the US' reputation as a land of hope and opportunity.

Dominique Moisi, 62, a founder of the French Institute for International Relations (IFRI) in Paris and visiting professor at Harvard University, is the author of the soon-to-be released book "The Geopolitics of Emotion: How Cultures of Fear, Humiliation, and Hope are Reshaping the World."

DW-WORLD.DE: Democratic candidate Barack Obama has a comfortable lead in the polls at the moment. What would it say about the USA, if Obama is elected?

Dominique Moisi: It would say above all that Americans are capable of reinventing themselves. It would say that they felt the need to turn the pages of the past several years, that they (woke up) to discover an exceptional man waiting in the wings and seized an opportunity that is rare in history to make this man their president.

What do you predict as the outcome of this election?

From the depths of my heart, I would consider two scenarios. The first is a close victory by Obama. The second is a landslide for Obama. But I exclude, maybe I'm wrong, the possibility of a surprise McCain victory. It's not only that Obama has been an exceptionally good (campaigner), but also that McCain ran a very bad campaign, and kept compounding his mistakes.

What message would an Obama victory send to the rest of the rest of the world?

The first message is that America, the beacon of hope, is back. The one country in the world that is carrying a universal message remains America.

There are other powers in our multi-polar world: China is important, Russia cannot be neglected. But neither of these countries carries a universal message. Only America does. China wants to be big and is going to be big, but it has rather selfish aims.

What makes a difference is that no one in the world dreams of becoming Chinese or becoming Russian. But millions of people in the world, even some Europeans, still dream of becoming American. And many more millions will dream of that if and when Obama is elected president of the United States, because America will reassert itself as the land of opportunity.

What is this universal American message?

It's the triumph of humanism, the idea that you are on Earth in order to improve the human condition.

If Europeans could vote, Obama would win by a landslide. Now it looks as if they’re getting what they want. Will Europe and America start to love each other now?

Well, a certain blatant form of anti-Americanism, as practiced in particular by the French, would be much, much more difficult with a President Obama.

One should be prudent though. Nothing is more dangerous than the realization of your dreams, because you're bound to be disappointed. The image of America would be dramatically transformed with the election of Obama, but that doesn't mean that conflicts between the US and Europe will miraculously disappear. For one, the Americans will ask more from the Europeans.

You mean that the Americans will be asking Europeans to do more of their fair share in Afghanistan, Iraq.

Definitely. Burden-sharing in terms of military and economic help, so America will turn to the rest of the world, in particular to her European allies, for help. Obama will say, "Well, you voted for me. I'm glad, and I need you. Now what can you do for me?"

You mean the US asking for more combat troops in the dangerous southern part of Afghanistan to fight Taliban insurgents, for example…

These (are the sorts of) problems that would be even more troubling with Obama as president. There is a huge difference between the symbolism of Obama's (expected) victory and the reality of an Obama victory. If he is going in the wrong policy direction, Europeans will be disappointed. But the disillusionment will come from what Obama does, not from what Obama represents.

Can Obama make a difference, compared to Bush and McCain, not because of his policy choices, but simply because of who he is?

Yes. Obama, the president immediately changes the world's image of America and that does make a big difference. But what I would warn Europeans is the following: Don't underestimate the revolutionary symbolic impact of an Obama winning the election, but do not overestimate the capabilities of an Obama administration to change the world.

Could it be then that someone like John McCain might in reality better for Europe, since expectations are low and some find it easier to be an adversary of a Republican president?

A few people are saying that it is in Europe's real interest to have McCain as president, so that you can continue to oppose America, but this cynical vision represents a minority view and does not serve the long term interests of the West.

You've said that if Obama becomes president, the reputation of the US would be improved in the eyes of the world. Does this conversely diminish the power of Europe in representing the West?

This vision that the moment America goes up, Europe must go down, is deeply wrong. It's not Europe versus the United States. It's the West trying to improve the situation of the world through positive measures. In the world in which we live, more than half of humanity lives in Asia. The West exists not against the rest of the world, but as a bearer of certain universal values.

What message would Obama's election as the first black US president send to developing countries in Africa, Asia, and the rest of the world?

It's a huge message of hope. For Africa, it is a victory against humiliation. For Asia, it's puzzling to see to see a Western nation incarnated by a black or mixed race person, but it demonstrates the openness of the US. It gives the West an image of modernity by being post-racial and multi-cultural. And the first global man of the global age in the 21st century comes from the United States of America.

------------------------------------------------------------

Photoshop Theater Presents...

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:43:11 GMT

The result of boredom on a Friday afternoon:

Do it for the Fonz!

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:01:00 GMT

ayyyyyyyy...

One of the MANY nails in John McCain's coffin...

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:11:22 GMT

Dear Senator McCain,

Please make sure you understand your opponent's stance on a topic before attacking him on it. Say, oh, I don't know... health care for example.

Check out John's "deer in the headlights" look when he gets set straight by Obama:

Priceless.

Autistic Community Theater

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:48:56 GMT

AKA "Austistics Say the Darndest Things!"

From Sugamunki who was present during a "Job Talk" session; Where the subject of prostitution came up. (of course... right?)

One 24 year old came up with this gem: "But prostitutes don't get paid with money, they just get paid with dick and crotches..."

Dick and crotches, indeed.

I made this...

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 01:59:39 GMT

Sometimes I crack myself up:

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:37:15 GMT

Comedian George Carlin dies in L.A.
Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:57am PST

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.

Carlin, who had a history of heart problems, died at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (2 a.m. British time) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.

Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine about seven dirty words you could not say on television. A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of his "Filthy Words" routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.

(Reporting by Dean Goodman; Editing by Patricia Zengerle)

© Thomson Reuters 2008 All rights reserved.

I made this

Fri, 02 May 2008 20:59:54 GMT

and thought I'd share it with teh Intarweebz:

Wake up! Wake up! You're dreaming! WAKE UP!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:29:22 GMT

Somebody's daddy is staying in my biological mother's house.

Not really allowed to talk about it... but all I have to say is:

ASFDASDGFASFDGASFDASDFASGD

If you like your horror flicks, you'll know wtf I'm talkin about.

Who says I lack spontaneity?

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:44:14 GMT

So, last night was a weird night for me.
Gogol Bordello played in SF and I DID NOT GO.

Yeah, weird, huh?
Well, one of the main reasons why I didn't go was that they were playing at the Warfield. I really can't stand the place. I don't enjoy myself at shows there, mostly due to the sheer volume of idiots that the Warfield seems to attract. Every time I go there, it reaffirms my presumptions. Plus, the mosh-pit there is plagued by guys who played linebacker in high-school and still think it's their personal duty to stomp people. Hooray, fun. Not that I can't hold my own in those situations, but it's just something I'd rather avoid, given the option.

So, last night I popped on the Intarweebs (shocking, I know) and looked up their future tour dates, hoping they'd be back in the area soon. Well, to my surprise, their next show is only 3 hours away, in Reno! So this morning I bought tickets for the show and a hotel room at the same place the show is at. ANNNND, I'm dragging my gal-pal (who, coincidentally, I introduced to Gogol Bordello) with me.

Hopefully, this will be a much smaller crowd (as the show wasn't even sold out, unlike the SF show,) and it will be a little bit more personable. I miss the old GB shows at Slims and Bottom of the Hill. I don't expect to ever see them in a venue like that again, but it's fun to imagine it. Maybe one day I'll hop a plane to go see them play in the midwest or someplace obscure like that where they don't have such a huge following.

Oh, well. I'll report back later as to how the show went!
I even brought my stompy boots to work today!
*STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP*
*GODZILLA ROAR*

Wish me luck!

Boosh Boosh...

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:45:14 GMT

I can't really explain this... so I'm just posting it.

Seriously. It's a virus.
It's contagious.
I'm not kidding.
Vaccinate your children before it's too late...

Nope. Too late.

OMG

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:10:25 GMT

If this video wasn't made specifically for phreddiva, then I don't know who it was made for...

Adding this to the list of reasons why I love living in the Bay Area:

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:03:43 GMT

You won't see this anywhere else (taken from the CHP Incident Log):

Incident: 1495
Type: Pedestrian on the Roadway
Location: NB I880 AT WASHINGTON AV
info as of: 1/28/2008 5:12:41 PM
ADDITIONAL DETAILS
3:34PM RE: L-11, MORE BELLY DANCERS, STOPPING TRAFFIC/RUNNING IN THE CD
3:31PM ALMOST WAS HIT ON WB LNS
3:29PM PER ANOTHER RP, NB 880 TO SB 238 CON - CD
3:11PM PER ANOTHER CALLER XRAY RAN INTO THE #3, #4 AND #5 LNS IFO VEHS // BACK ON RHS
3:09PM XRAY IS POLE DANCING ON ONE OF SIGNS
3:08PM LADY DANCING NR THE ROADWAY PER 2ND RP
3:08PM PER ANOTHER CALLER//PED IS ALSO DOING A POLE DANCE USING THE LIGHT POLE
3:07PM WF, IN BELLY DANCING GARB, ON THE RHS, BELLY DANCING

...well, OK. Maybe in Austin.

C'mon, man, the food ain't that bad!

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 20:34:11 GMT

Stolen from guy_todd on cat_macros

for phreddiva

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 03:25:29 GMT

DINNEYLANN!

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 19:26:57 GMT

Best Disneyland trip EVAR.
The reason why there's so few photos, is because we were too distracted by all the FUN and the SHENANIGANS!

Crank Dat Kosha Boy

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 00:58:49 GMT

This one goes out to all my Hebrew brothas & sistahs.

Mmm Hmm...

In case you don't know, the original version...

Also: it's really all about the dance...

Happy Hanukkah, all you heebs!

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:09:28 GMT

See, our holidays can be observed by Jews and gentiles, alike:

Photo credits go to NancyKay Shapiro. Taken in GREENWICH VILLAGE, MANHATTAN of all places.
Effing brilliant.

She even set up a cafepress store where you can get mugs, magnets, and of course, Hanukkah cards!

I made you an LJ post...

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 02:17:20 GMT

... but I eated it.

From Japan, where where they take something cute and make it even cuter.

This just in...

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 09:53:21 GMT

New record time-- Brooklyn, NY to San Francisco, CA:
-----35 hours, 54 minutes, 00 seconds-----

The trip was amazing. Scary. Exhilarating. There were several near arrests (the kind that involve impounding of a car and then going to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200), several near-misses with radar guns, at least ONE instance of illegal, high-speed passing on the median, TWO police escorts; one through half of Ohio, and one very special police escort to the Nevada/California border. Oh, and one suicidal blast across a particular bridge that nearly killed several people. After the finish, several LEO sirens were heard howling through the area of the finish line.

No accidents were reported, although there were breakdowns, near misses, and on-the-road repairs galore.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Team Flying Hellfish WON. (like you had to ask).

Videos to come. More stories as well.

-----------------------------------------------

By the way, the above piece is fiction.
None of it really happened.

It's a story. Got it?

What are you doing this weekend?

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 23:22:33 GMT

Here's what I'll be up to:

Subject: The 2904 is on!

Time for a 2904™ update:

Yep, The $2904 New York City to San Francisco Motorized Vehicular Tournament is on!

We have a date. We have a destination. We have competitors ready for action.

Start date is tentatively set as Nov 10-11th. Vehicles can leave anytime between Saturday noon and Sunday noon. This will allow folks to strategize their times moving through the major cities on the way. Start location be revealed one week before, and only to the confirmed competitors and the media, so don't ask!

Finish will be at ****** ***** ******** in San Francisco. The illustrious purveyor of fine classic automobiles, ***** ********, has been kind enough to let our cross-country jalopies come in close proximity of his gorgeous Corvettes and GTOs. ***** has also been kind enough to host the finish party on Tuesday night. That should give everyone time for the much needed showers and a bit of shut eye after two days on road.

Now for those of yous getting this for the first time here is the original email with the details and rules. For those of you who have seen it check it out anyway because some rules have changed:

Friends, Family, Business Buddies, Ladies, and Gentlemen:

You are not being sent this email because you have inherited one million dollars from a deceased Ugandan banker, but because you just might have the cajones enough to join in one of the craziest ideas I have ever had:

A driving challenge across the United States of America.

"Duh," you say, "that has been done before. I’ve seen The Cannonball Run, like, 100 times". Well listen up, Burt Reynolds, 'cause here's the kicker – you must traverse the 2904 miles from New York City to San Francisco on a budget of $2904. "Wha Wha Wha?" you say? Well, these days almost anyone can hop in a megabuck cruiser and blow across the US in record time. But what if you had do in an old used car or truck? What if you had to do it within a budget? Now we are talking about being smart, wily, and a bit off your rocker. Now we are talking about The 2904™.

Here are the rules as I make them up:

The First Rule:
The First Rule of The 2904™ is, you do not talk about The 2904™.
(OK, you can talk about it a little. Telling the media is brilliant.
Telling your local sheriff buddy is not.)

The Budget:
What counts in the $2904:
The vehicle’s purchase price, any modifications made to said vehicle – including parts and labor.
Fuel for the journey
Speeding tickets
Little Debbie snack cakes and Moxie soda
What doesn’t count in the $2904:
Safety items: Tires, Wheels, Brake Components, Seatbelts, Seats, Fuel Cell, Steering Linkage, Lighting, Windshield wipers, Fire Extinguisher, Shag carpeting. (There is NO LIMIT on safety-equipment spending.) Registration, insurance, and licensing Transport to start Driver schools Buffalo Wings Sick bags You get the idea...
If you are clever enough to wrangle up some sponsors, congratulations, but the budget still applies no matter where the cash comes from.
Receipts will be checked!

The Rig:
Anything you can lay your hands on, won't break the budget, and are confident won't leave your crew stranded in North Platte, Nebraska. The purchase price has to be realistic. Getting your Aunt Tillie to sell you her new Viper for $1000 will be considered an act of douchebaggery and will be penalized. Prep the rig anyway you want, but any non-safety modifications will count toward your $2904 budget. Vehicles are to be registered and insured. No using duplicate vehicles at the end, or transporting vehicle via rail or air during the event. Vehicles will be inspected at the beginning of the event. If the rig totally craps out enroute it may be sold for bus tickets home.

The Time:
Starts when you leave, ends when you get there. Time is then adjusted for demerits.

Demerits:
For every dollar you go over $2904 it adds one minute to your time.
Flagrant misrepresentation of the rig, its cost, fuel used, and tickets received will be penalized on a highly scientific sliding scale yet to be developed by our panel of esteemed judges (yet to be found). Believe me they will know if you are full of crap.

The Drivers:
Each vehicle is allowed up to four drivers with valid drivers licenses and health insurance. (Having a team with significant driving experience is recommended. If you can get Dan Gurney to drive your Subaru, go for
it!) All drivers must be on board for the whole distance.

The Route:
That's up to you bub.

The Finish:
Once (or if) you get to the finish, take a shower! You are going to smell. Any cheater's cars will be viciously destroyed with sledgehammers at $5 dollars for 5 hits for charity. Also, we will have a charity lined up to take your car off your hands if you want to dispose of the tax deductible wreckage. Oh yeah, don't forget the party!

The Prize:
Eternal glory in the annals of autodom. (and maybe a crappy trophy)

And who would participate in this insanity? Everyone with petrol in their blood, and the balls for good ol' fashioned adventure. Not to mention all the publicity and crazy fun you can eat for under 3k. If these words come out of your mouth: "Oooh, for 3k I could rent a swanky RV and take the whole family to wholesome Mt. Rubidoux and take a guided tour of the beautiful Peace Tower & Friendship Bridge." THIS IS NOT FOR YOU!!!

How can you pass this up? We can knock out in a long weekend more adventure than most folks have in years, do something for a yet-to-be-named charity and have a crap-load of fun. (Yes, a crap-load).
What say you? This will be dangerous, ridiculous and legendary. Are you unstable enough to accept this challenge buckaroo? Are you ready for The 2904™

Blatantly,
**** *******

PS: All rules are subject to evolution, modification, and creative interpretation.
PPS: This is not a race. That might be illegal.

Our vehicle of choice is a 1992 Volvo Station Wagon.
Rumor has it someone has a hearse and installed a 100 Gallon fuel cell in the back where the coffins should be.

Sounds fun, doesn't it? =D